Shock is usually the first reaction and can last a few minutes, hours or even days. If the death has been sudden or unexpected this shock can be intense. A sense of numbness often follows shock and what has happened may seem unreal or dreamlike. This is quite normal.

In your sadness you may feel despair and depression; you  might think there is no point in going on, or that no-one else could possibly understand what you are going through. You may become confused and even think you are 'going mad'. You may experience feelings of panic, self-pity and anger. Your anger could be with others, or even with the person who has died. You could feel guilty, especially about the way you are feeling. These are all natural responses to your loss and can be very exhausting.

Sometimes it seems as if people are avoiding you. Sadly this does happen. It is probably due to their embarrassment as they may not know what to say. It is tempting to try and hide your emotions from others and put on 'a brave face', especially for family and friends. However, it can help to let people know how you are feeling and that you would welcome their support.

Adjusting to the loss is hard. You may find yourself imagining you have seen or heard the dead person. You may even find yourself trying to deny the death. It can be tempting to quickly dispose of possessions or even move home so that you cannot be reminded of your loss. Experience has shown this is not always wise and important decisions like these are best given time and thought.

As the pain eases you may discover that you are beginning to remember without becoming too distressed. You might be able to renew old interests, or even take up new pursuits. It might seem disloyal, but the past will always be part of you and enjoying yourself will not alter that.

Sutton Bereavement Service has a team of trained volunteer bereavement counsellors. The counselling takes place at our counselling centre or, in some circumstances, in the home. The focus of the counselling is to allow people to share their feelings in a confidential setting. All Sutton Bereavement Service volunteer counsellors receive on-going training, support and supervision.

Counselling sessions are for no longer than one hour on a weekly basis. The total number of sessions varies from person to person. Counselling is not for ever; like mourning, it will eventually come to an end.

If you would like further details about our Service, please telephone the Director. The office is not open on a full-time basis and you may hear an Ansaphone message. Please do leave your name and telephone number, and your call will be returned as soon as possible. Telephone: 020 8643 9299.